SSENSE: Killing MTV Softly with This Song?

Halfway through yesterday’s online shopping adventure, I was aesthetically assaulted by a revolutionary new way of selling clothes: the “WORLD’S FIRST INTERACTIVE SHOPPING MUSIC VIDEO” on the homepage at ssense.com. Is it me, or are they trying to drive the nail in MTV’s coffin via a foray into music video production? Or are the folks at SSENSE just plain greedy? The double S? #DatsWeird.

Nor do I get how this video is designed to sell clothing. Well, that’s not true, I do. There’s music, models wearing clothing, and it’s easily clickable.

Even though Diplo is in it, it’s unfortunate that the world’s first interactive shopping music video had to be this one:

- The girl looks like a chola. Did she get her makeup done at the MAC store in Laredo?

- The rappers are cuties. Shop their sunglasses.

- Diplo appears to have stolen his chin stubble from an unsuspecting Chia pet

(I LOVE you Diplo, please don’t hate me for saying that. Or, just have hate sex with me. Your call.)

- The song bores me to tears

(Diplo, baby…you know I only mean it if you choose the latter option in the above parentheses)

- I want one of those SOLO cups filled with whatever dry ice concoction they are refraining from sippin’ on

- Can’t…..really…………understand….the words. Is it music? I know they sure as shit aren’t scatting.

- The video graphics may or may not have been done by a sixth grader in their BCIS class.

- It takes a long time to load, and doesn’t run very smoothly.

All that said, it’s a very interesting concept, being able to buy the looks in music videos. I applaud SSENSE for taking the time to put this together. It can’t have been easy, especially when the model was busy rubbing her hot cheetos fingers all over the designer duds.

There’s a lot of room for growth in this genre of onling retailing; remarkably, more so than in Diplo’s derelict chin patch (baby). That is entirely premised on the thought that the luxury goods consumer is willing to fork over the precious time required to view the video of a song they may or may not despise, wait for the cornballing piece of flash file to buffer, and pay close enough attention to what’s going on visually to click on the rapidly changing images if they see something that they like.

SSENSE, if you’re lisstening to what I’m ssaying, here are ssome music videoss that I would very much enjoy sshopping to, sshould you have the time to re-film them:

-”Summertime” by Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong (The slow pace of the song would be great, because the horsed-out models wouldn’t move too fast. That gives us more time to look at the clothes. Say hello to higher click-through rates)

- “Strange Fruit” by Billie Holiday (I assume you’re not too PC to display clothing on mannequins hanging from trees)

- “Runaway” by Janet Jackson (miss Jackson, if you’re nasty. don’t change the video, cause it’s perfect. Just add clothes.)

- “Last Resort” by Papa Roach (such a great way to display the work of Damir Doma, Rick Owens, Ann Demuelemeester. Also, the sheer amount of fans surrounding that stage…you could display all the items on your site in ONE VIDEO? Are you f#cking kidding me?)

- “No Church in the Wild” by Jay Z ft. Kanye West (Um, hellooooo. Did this not occur to anyone else yet? Put me on your board of directors. NOW.)

- “Run the World (Girls)” by Beyonce (This will give you another chance to shoot a freshly shaven Diplo. Plus, the frenetic motions of the dancing will be such an amazing opportunity to display the dramatic fringe of Gucci’s Spring-Summer collection. And, as a board member, I believe it’s my duty to tell you- people will buy anything Beyonce endorses.)

I could go on for days….call me.

MTV has nothing to worry about from SSENSE, as the music television network is no longer associated in the consumer’s mind as a place to watch music videos. It’s a place where youth can view members of their age class getting drunk/high/knocked up/gymming/tanning/laundering, and walk away from the viewing experience feeling much better about themselves.

Because, really, that’s what MTV is about: Girls with Low Self Esteem.